Whether in a Love Relationship or with friends or coworkers, have you ever been going along great, and next thing you know you are in an argument? There’s a magic formula for dealing with this.
I can almost bet that the thing you are arguing about isn’t really the issue.
If you think back to the thought you had just before the argument started, I bet that’s the problem.
And I bet it was something like, “This relationship is really going well!” Gaye Hendricks calls this an Upper Limits Problem. It is like our subconscious has a governor on it, like on trucks, that won’t let you exceed a certain speed limit. It won’t let you get too far from your current norm.
This happens with me and my body. Just when I am getting stronger, healthier, more active, (and more attractive), I have a fall. In the summer of 2019 I lead a travel trip to Scotland. It was awesome, it was successful, I really took care of my clients and it was an amazing trip.
I took some time off and went to Iceland afterwards. I was walking down the cobblestones to a quaint area that had nice restaurants and shops. I was just dreaming and planning of my next destination with a group, to Italy.
Then the cobbles went down to allow for wheelchair access, but I didn’t notice it. I stumbled and hit the other side of the ramp with my leg, just below my knee. Now you may say I was distracted. I will say that the gray cobblestones where hard to see where they divided, and I was tired. But my sister was with me. She didn’t stumble. I had hit my upper limit, as though my subconscious was saying “Who am I to think I could be successful at….”
I also had a client who was in a bad car wreck. I asked her what her thought was just before it happened. She was thinking about her next steps in her career, because she had become successful at the level she was at. That car wreck really kept her from that next step for quite a while until she took the next conscious steps.
What are the next steps?
You come back to noticing your thinking.
Next time you find yourself in an argument with a beloved or a friend, ask yourself, what was the energy I was feeling? It may seem like it is the content of the argument, or an irritating habit, but most likely, you had hit your limit on the good you allow yourself to have – how much love and positivity you can have, (or are worthy of) in a relationship.
Notice your thinking. This is a practice that takes practice. Then build a new habit of asking yourself, “Is this an upper limit problem?” You may not be able to change it this time, but the more you notice this habit, the more you will begin to catch it while in the situation.
And soon you will be able to change your thinking before it gets to you.
The Magic Formula
Here’s a metaphor image I give to my clients.
Hindsight: Put your hands facing each other behind your head to represent hindsight. We can notice the problem in hindsight. You may know the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20.”
Peripheral vision: Bring your hands, still facing each other, just in front of your face where you can first see your hands to represent peripheral vision. This is where we begin to notice the situation as it is happening.
Foresight: We begin to change it while in it. Bring your hands in front of you, still facing each other, to represent foresight. This is when you see the situation coming. Then you have the choice to act in an empowering way before it gets to you!
Want to know more tools and tips for success and ease in your life?
Check out Journey Beyond the Box, a course that does just that.